Nuremberg trials for Russians

This is an expanded part of the book that we wrote in mid-2022, which didn’t make the cut for space reasons. No crime of aggression charges nonsense.

I will probably update this is in January 2023. Its still current apart from maybe the military.

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22 Germans were finally charged at the international first round of Nuremberg trials in 1946. I’ll attempt to list a Russian equivalent though 1:1 mapping is impossible. .

Don’t blame me for making this list, the Russians did it first. This list is tongue in cheek and not meant to be a serious indictment list… but I have researched it. Wikipedia provides a nice table with a list of charges, and verdicts on Germans. The definitive source for primary materials on Germans would be “The Avalon Project - The International Military Tribunal for Germany” or Mike Miller books, see link at the bottom. For European Union sanctions on Russians, which helped me making this list, see a rapidly changing sanctions list.

The lack of a Russian Goebbels and Himmler makes some comparisons difficult. Your results may differ – this is not a serious academic attempt to say that somebody Russian is the exact same as the German. Power structures are different but there are similarities.

(Hitler would have died at Nuremberg but wasn’t available. Maybe Putin can spend life in a nice Dutch cell.)

Martin Bormann – Nazi Party secretary, and personal assistant to Hitler – disappeared during the fall of Berlin, tried in absentia.

Dmitry Medvedev – former Russian president when Putin pretended to care about the constitution and swapped jobs with him, described as ‘geeky technocrat turned to deranged war hawk‘ - screams genocide on Ukraine.

Karl Dönitz – U-boat supreme commander, later Kriegsmarine leader, president of Germany after Hitler’s suicide.

Admiral Igor Osipov – author of the plan to transform the missile cruiser Moskva into a submarine.

Hans Frank – brutal governor of parts of Poland labelled the General Government.

Ramzan Kadyrov – Head of the Chechen Republic, leader of the Chechen TikTok army of military laughable but deadly serious rapists, thieves and murderers.

Wilhelm Frick – minister of the interior and brutal governor of Bohemia and Moravia (Czech).

Alexander Bortnikov - head of the Federal Security Service.

Hans Fritzsche – radio presenter and propagandist, knew about the Holocaust but was acquitted because the Allies didn’t know convincingly he knew (he did).

The eponymous host of tv “Sunday Evening with Vladimir Solovyov” promised genocide and a nuclear apocalypse against Ukraine, Poland, the Baltics and the West. The target of a credible Ukrainian ‘Sims 3’ murder plot.

Walter Funk – Nazi Minister of Economics.

Maxim Reshetnikov – sanctioned ‘Minister of Economic Development of the Russian Federation. Reshetnikov serves on the board of sanctioned Russian entities, including VTB Bank, and Russian Railways.

Hermann Göring – Obese leader of the Luftwaffe, Holocaust architect, Reichsmarschall.

For more on him and his criminal enterprise:

Sergei Shoigu – the incompetent civilian defence minister who parades around in uniforms he has no right to wear while running a corruption enterprise on the side. At least Göring was a decorated soldier. Shoigu’s troops seem to be as effective as the usually terrible Luftwaffe Field Divisions.  I was tempted to put Bortnikov here.

Rudolf Hess – Deputy Fuhrer until mad aeroplane ride to Scotland in 1942. Ideologue, was subsequently an embarrassment to the Reich.

There are plenty of oligarchs in the West, not in favour, pick ‘em. I’m thinking of one in particular but he has lawyers better than me.

Alfred Jodl – Subordinate to Keitel in OKW (Oberkommando der Wehrmacht – Wehrmacht high command except East Front). Signed Command Order and Commissar Order under which captured commandos and commissars were summarily executed.

Alexander ‘Butcher of Syria’ Dwornikov – was brought in April 2022 to take overall command of the Ukraine war on the ground after earlier failures. The nickname says it all. He may have been replaced by another butcher Sergei Surovkin, also blooded in Syria. Notice a pattern? Russian military hierarchies are a complete mess so I don’t know what the power structure is now.

Ernst Kaltenbrunner – SS, overall command of roaming Einsatzgruppen extermination groups.

Dmitry Utkin – mercenary war criminal, Russia’s Dirlewanger if not Kaltenbrunner.

(Picture: Facebook)

Wilhelm Keitel – head of OKW and de facto defence minister, war criminal signed numerous prisoner execution orders. Yes, man. Despised by soldiers.

Valery Gerasimov - Chief of the General Staff of the Russian Armed Forces and First Deputy Defence Minister. Responsible with Shoigu for the quality of Russian troops and the failed beginning of the war.

Gustav Krupp von Bohlen und Halbach – German oligarch who had mostly delegated to his son Alfried Krupp von Bohlen und Halbach, father was ‘mistakenly’ added to the indictment. This saved the son from an almost certain death sentence. Son was tried in the subsequent, much more lenient rounds with a laughable result.

Viktor Zubkov – chairman of Gazprom, Russia’s largest company. Former prime minister. 

Robert Ley – head of the German Labour Front which used slave labour.

The Russian military widely uses conscripts for illegal work for officers and is subcontracted out so Shoigu or Gerasimov.

(Picture: EPA Pool/Kremlin)

Baron Konstantin von Neurath – the predecessor to Ribbentrop as foreign minister, time as governor of Bohemia and Moravia.

Lavrov - he has been around so long as the vampire of Russian foreign policy that this is difficult.

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Franz von Papen - Chancellor of Germany in 1932 and Vice-Chancellor under Hitler in 1933–34.  Instrumental in the political rise of Hitler.

Boris Yeltsin - but he’s dead, I think.

Erich Raeder – dismissed as head of Kriegsmarine after a series of wartime failures. He oversaw Donitz’s U-Boat campaign.

Nikolai Yevmenov - commander-in-chief of the Russian Navy, whose fleet includes accidental-by-design training accident sunk missile cruiser Moskva, sanctioned for “being "responsible for actively supporting and implementing actions and policies that undermine and threaten the territorial integrity, sovereignty and independence of Ukraine as well as the stability or security in Ukraine."

Joachim von Ribbentrop – Infamous German Foreign Minister 1938-45. Responsible for war by other means via diplomacy.

Sergey Lavrov - Russian foreign minister – Master of international humanitarian law, poet gentlemen, loving father of an Instagram princess, corrupt international bully and genocidal maniac.

Alfred Rosenberg – Key ideologue – his racist theories are still popular today.

Nikolai Patrushev – ‚Hawk’s Hawk‘, head of the powerful Security Council of Russia.

Fritz Sauckel – brutal manager of Reich slave labour program.

See notes on Ley. We might be able in the future to identify persons responsible for Ukrainian deportations in the future.

Hjalmar Schacht – banker and economist, financier of German wars, in a concentration camp as part of Jul 1944 plotting against Hitler. Acquitted but shouldn’t have been just because he wanted to get rid of the incompetent Hitler to wage lebensraum war better.

Elvira Nabiullina – Putin’s central bank economic sheriff, perhaps the most competent on this list.

Baldur von Schirach – Hitlerjugend (Hitler Youth) leader up to 1940, not his successor.

Vasily Grigoryevich Yakemenko, head of two dissolved Putinjugend formations  Walking Together (Идущие вместе) and Nashi  (Наши).

Arthur Seyss-Inquart – Austrian Nazi leader, deputy to Hans Frank in Poland.

Viktor Medvedchuk – Ukrainian traitor, recaptured after failed Ukrainian Anschluss. Swapped for Azovstal defenders.

Albert Speer – a man who gets too much credit for being the genius behind a mid-war Nazi economic miracle. War criminal. Architect to Hitler – godawful Reich-classic Germania style.

I’m not going to insult some random dacha architects for their terrible taste in design and clients. And I can’t pick an economic equivalent.

Julius Streicher – inciting and incendiary founder and publisher of the vulgar pornographic prole-feed ‘newspaper’ Der Stürmer and officially labelled ‘ 'Jew-Baiter Number One.' His maniacal personal behaviour made him so embarrassing that he was stripped of the role of gauleiter in 1940. His main crime was being so incendiary that he was culpable for mass murder. Nazis at Nuremberg famously disassociated themselves from him during the trial. Mostly executed for being a disgusting pervert.

Vladimir Zhirinovsky – see description of Streicher except he wasn’t disciplined by Putin who stood honour guard at this funeral. Maybe Dugin should be here but I think he is a nobody in the Kremlin.

PS All pictures from Wikipedia unless noted otherwise.

My friend Michael D. Miller writes about Nazis, you can find his books here or give him a follow on Twitter or Patreon. Thx for the help with this post, Mike.

Thanks for reading Fallout! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

Thanks for reading Fallout! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.