Standing on the edge of darkness

Over the past eight months, I've been working with Dr Phil Blood, Dustin Du Cane, Neil Poynter & Nick Budd discussing the war in Ukraine as part of the ongoing work of Fallout and the Adjutants Lounge, as well as the upcoming book Russian Genodical Warfare. The conversations & disclosures we've had outside of these forums have been, at times, brutal. We have been witness to the horror we all thought belonged in the past. The witness statements, and visual evidence, from all sides, have not dispelled rumours, they have turned them into fact.

Having witnessed several incidents that led to mental trauma during my service in the armed forces of the 1990s and early 2000s, I did not expect to revisit it in its vicarious form some 20 years later. Around May this year, it hit me like a brick. Its arrival was as sudden as it was unwelcome. It hung over me for the next couple of months, as the grim details of horror and genocide were unveiled. Layer upon layer of shock sandwiched between moments of disbelief and stunned mental silence as my brain sought to preserve my sanity and not tempt the creature of rumination dragging up images of suffering. Images that could easily swamp any human with a shred of decency and empathy, leading to a downward spiral of despair and all it is misery.

The Adjutants Lounge: The Russian Way of War

Listen now (81 min) | Listener caution: This is one of the more serious posts on the Adjutants Lounge. In this episode of The Adjutants Lounge Phil Blood (Twitter: @HistorianBlood) discusses The Russian Way of War in its current context in Ukraine. --- Support this podcast:

Fallout

Thankfully I've had excellent peer support from the above & from folk like Dr Mattt Bone & Dr Ian Garner as well as the wonderful modelling community of twitter who have provided some excellent distractions. For journalists & writers, like me, working remotely, this support has prevented any relapse. Please don’t consider this to be a mellow dramatic statement, vicarious trauma is very real. I can assure you of that. It has stalked and claimed me before in the heaving metropolis and the quiet countryside. t is a present companion for many journalists. Just read Unreasonable Behaviour by Don McCullen.

Don McCullin Shell-shocked US Marine, The Battle of Hue 1968

I was also further supported, although I hadn’t realised it at the time, by the ongoing commissions from Pen & Sword, which have given me a chance to thoroughly look away from the subject of the Ukraine war. In all of this, the central pillar of support was my wonderful wife, Anne. Without whose presence the hugs, tea & listening to my concerns, I know all of this would have been much harder.

I am sure there are some who are thinking "why do it then?" Two reasons; my first role as a military journalist was reporting for the RAF from Op Agricola (Kosovo), & what is happening in Ukraine is familiar territory in some ways. The second is that this war needs to be discussed. It needs to be discussed without the half-guesses, & with knowledge. We owe that much at least to all those fighting in Ukraine. It requires us, as experts, historians & writers/journalists, to be present. Not to tell our truth but to represent theirs. Not an easy task to do. This is why the Headline Network , which works in promoting good mental health in the media has teamed up with the UK mental health charity Mind to help individuals and newsrooms recognise and mitigate against vicarious trauma.

The war between Ukraine and Russia is far from over, & with it, the horror very much remains. But, by doing an occasional Fallout article or Adjutants Lounge Podcast, we can remove some of the dangerous mythologies & false equivalencies. If that comes at a small price to ensure decency, truth and justice, then my friends, so be it.

My friends, colleagues & I at home or on the front, will stay the course, no matter how hard because some truths must be told.

After all, war is hell.

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Thx Ben,

I got trauma writing this post last week:

Comrade Häftling

As a corrupt evil sports politician makes obscene calls for peace during his corrupt organisation’s corrupt tournament of corruption bought with oil money that is killing the planet and the blood of thousands of slave workers, remember the thousands of Ukrainians still in Russian hands are being murdered, tortured, genocided and beg for liberation. Scum…

Fallout

Dustin

Update 23 November 2022

And here we go with Bellingcat.

Those wishing to conduct open source research into this invasion will be exposed to images that are extremely graphic: they show the painful, disfiguring effects that war has on human bodies, cities and nature. Many of these images can be highly distressing, especially if viewed repeatedly and intensely. But their effect can also be cumulative: you may feel alright for a long time until one day, you don’t. What’s more, even non-graphic images can have a negative impact on you in ways that you may not expect, as I outlined on Twitter. 

Update 6 March 2023

Update 11 April 2023

Oz Katerji

Good advise

From me

Here’s the Smithsonian link, Space Muscovite is blocking my embedding.